I usually don’t post these types of things. PurpleMom forwarded me something from the email. Being that I come from a dog loving and cat not-loving family, I found it pretty funny.
I have no idea who the original author is.
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary
6:00 am – At last! I Go Pee!
My favorite thing!
8:00 am – Dog food!
My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride!
My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park!
My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted!
My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch!
My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard!
My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail!
My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones!
My favorite thing!
6:00 pm – They’re home!
My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball!
My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people!
My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed!
My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe for now…
PurpleSlog - The Future Will Be Kludged 