I don’t understand CA politics…

…but perhaps this sort of things will help Meg Whitman:

 

 

 

Brett Favre and Karma: See the…

…full video here.

Joke From the Internet (via the PurpleMom)

Thanks PurpleMom!!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

I keep telling you! Don’t mess with old people!

“Put it in me, Scott”

When I saw the commercial on TV I LOL’d:

Kudos to Quizno’s.

I think it has now been edited down to be safer for young viewers.

“Long relegated to the portion of consumers that were interested in blue animals, dolphins have finally made their move to take over the other half of the Cetacean market share…”

Read about it at the always funny blog Fuck You Penguin. Read the comments too.

Great Freeway Sign Hack!!!

I spotted this on FoxNews.com.

There are still real hacker heroes

Misleading Headline on the Madoff scandal that I wish was true

Fun with IM

A co-worker of mine who is being “rightsized” and myself recently had an IM conversation.

I am especially proud of a snippet that went something like this:

Him: I am tired of IT,I think I hate it. I want to do something else. I am really interested in Horticulture. I think I want to study it and get involved in it.

Me: I don’t think “hor” means what you think it means.

Entrepanuership News at Gizmodo: “Man Invents Vibrating Toilet Seat That Helps You Enjoy the Magic Moment”

Oh Lordy. Now, every King can have a worthy throne!

Robot News: Frank J.’s “Do No Robo-Harm” List

It is pretty darn funny!

* Make sure they all have prominent big red buttons on them that deactivates them.

* Never give them AI by merging the minds of different serial killers.

* Make them out of Nerf™.

* Have a limit of five weapons per robot.

* Never give them access to time machines.

* Don’t have their programming give them a hundred points per person they kill.

* Never make a robot monkey.

* No matter what excuses they give, don’t ever take off their restraining bolts.

* Install Vista on them so no killing spree can last longer than a few minutes without them needing to reboot.

* Make sure killbots have a preset killing limit.

* Put a big label on each robot saying, “Please Don’t Tease the Robot”.

He also has a LOL replacement version of Asimov’s Three Law of Robotics:

1. Only kill foreigners.

2. Give children hugs unless it conflicts with the first law.

3. Do the robot dance to entertain people unless it conflicts with the first and second law.

4. Do everything Frank J. says. Ignore all other laws.

Whoops; that last law was supposed to be hidden.

It is good to start out the weekend with a hearty laugh.

“Find Gort more hippies!”

“No Mr, Bond, I expect you to sing!”

Found on Debbie Schlussel’s Blog, is this – The Jame Bond Theme Song with lyrics!

Federal Government and Education in a Nutshell from “Yes, Prime Minister”

I found this funny and thoughtful “Yes, Prime Minister” bit via The Fifth Column:

Unfortunate Typos in IM while at work

Sometimes my bad/lazy typing has a cost as in this this business IM I made a few minutes ago:

The cocks look fine to me now. How do they look to you?

Yikes.

I will be keeping a low profile at work for the next couple of hours. I was referring to Clocks (network/IP based time clocks run at our branch offices).

“Sometimes a typo is just a typo”

Something you never thought about Godzilla…

…here.

Update: Sorry – NSFW!!!!!

Funny Sign at Heartbreakers In West Allis

You must understand, Heartbreakers is a strip club.

I wonder if this caused any auto accidents?

Weird work emails that are making me giggle at 7am

I have lots of emails from bosses and bosses’ bosses about moving forward on the “Cox” plan.

Things like “Ditto on the Cox”, “Cox works for me” and “let’s move on the Cox”.

I know it is stupid and juvenile, but I can’t stop laughing…I hope nobody hears me! Luckily it is pretty early in the office.

This Wordle did not quite turn out the way I planned

Horatio Alger’s Ragged Dick

My “Asshole” Story

I am inspired to relate this story by an earlier post.

Many years ago, I had begun a enterprise-wide Network Engineering position at a Fortune 100 company.

Right off the bat, I got my depertment’s Unix servers and applications under control by getting patches and applications up to date and by implementing proper server security controls. I also fixed and then began the re-jigger the external and internal DNS.

Well, apparently I ruffled some feathers in another geographic area where our company had extensive IT operations.

My boss, the director, came back from a week-long  meeting with the management types at this other location. I had been only working for about 5 weeks.

At our department meeting he described what happened.

My Boss: “So right off they told me that I had two major assholes working for me that I needed to do something about: John Doe and Purple Slog”.

At his point I felt a bit uncomfortable and my boss got very animated and louder in telling the story. He jumped up from his seat at the conference table and related that he said:

“Now wait a minutes, wait a minute! John Doe is not an Asshole!”

Then my boss sat back down, folded his hands in front of him and became silent.

Lessons about Zombies and Politics from Bob Hope

Found via the Gates of Vienna:

“Fun With Marxists” aka “Communists say the Darndest Things”

At Hot Air, there is video of the idiocy of Marxists as an undercover reporter draws them out at the DNC. It is both fun and sad.

Clip of “Rocky Me Sexy Jesus” from Hamlet 2

This is weird/funny:

“The First Help Desk Call”

This was being passed around the office today:

Best E-Mail I got today from a co-worker

“You will be summarily hanged at dawn”

🙂

About the Obama “O” hand Signal…

While other people had fun with this Obama Campaign nonsense idea, all I could think of was where these two things:

…and the old Dr Pepper Jingle with different lyrics “I’m a Zero, your’re a Zero,wouldn’t you like to be a Zero too?”:

Overheard at Work – Definition of Politician

Politician =

poli (Latin for many)

+

tics (blood sucking creatures)

This is most likely o0ld, but it is new to me.